Knitting porn

My Jaywalker socks are stalled at the heel until I can find some US1 dpns. Racheld wanted to know what I am knitting them with: I am using some Opal in patriotic colors that I picked up in March during my visit to Boston. I picked a skein up at Sean's store; he has recently set up a separate blog for Woolcott & Co. Check it out!

So, while I put them on hold, I started to finish up a couple of projects that have been lingering since my visit to Brandon. I made a hat for my sister's friend, Marnie, and as chance would have it, I discovered some similar yarn from a different company to make a matching scarf. I wanted to finish it for her when I was up there, but one can only knit in garter stitch for so long. When I got back, Rocky had, of course, kidnapped it from my knitting bag and tangled the nylon thread into one big mess and that kind of threw me off track on my simple knitting for awhile. (He "located" several small projects and thoughtfully cut the yarn for me, repeatedly.)

Finally, I can present my "Aviator" scarf, named for its 14 "landing strips". (I thought about calling it my Brazilian Wax scarf, but I thought "Aviator" was subtler, if somewhat cruder.) My muse, my model is Annabella Donnatella.



Yes, she is that cute in real life.



Before I get back to the news of the day, I wanted to address a few more reader comments. Dave mentioned that he thought that the ramie used for my Japanese placemat was meant to be used only for fishing nets. To quote a favorite Adam Sandler line: "Something you could have brought to my attention yesterday!" MarQ1 wanted to know if I knew if it softens when it gets washed. Frankly, I'm scared that if I water it, bananas are going to grow out of it. This is purely a decorative placemat; there will be hell to pay if it gets dirty, 'cuz I'm not knitting another one! Sean congratulated me for surviving the project. He's always wondered about knitting with such unusual yarns. Trust me, save yourself the headache! The things I put myself through for my readers in the name of knitting research.

Jon actually got to touch the work in progress and he wondered how the hell I managed to cast off. There is a story (by Dante) in there that I forgot to mention in the original post. This stuff was a bitch to try and lift a stitch over another one without dropping both. We're talking seriously slow progress here. I also tried to calculate how much "yarn" would be needed for the final row and I thought that I had counted correctly, but, unfortunately, I found myself at the end of my rope, literally, abouth halfway through the row. This meant losing a couple of nights of TV knitting and ripping back two rows to try casting off again. Eventually, I figured out that if I just slipped both stitches off and used my J hook to pull the one stitch through and then reinsert my knitting needle into it, I had much greater success. Weaving in the ends were no problem at all. Let's just say, I was happy when it was all over.

Back to our regularly scheduled program. A faithful reader of my blog, Bess, informed me that a yarn store on Long Island was going out of business and I should hurry on over there. I had never been to Knit and Tell in Rockville Center before and, to tell the truth, I felt a little guilty going only when they're down and out. I imagined that I was a vulture circling a carcass: not how I normally see myself. But, hey, everything was 50% off! That made me feel better in a hurry.

Lois welcomed me into the store warmly, if a little warily. I had to reassure her that, yes, I was a knitter and explain to her what a knitting blog was. Ladies, please stop staring at us guys like we have three heads or something. We're not going to attack you! I'm interested only in your yarn... I also had to expound on knitting gangs and yarn crawls. She seemed genuinely surprised that some people would actually travel to other cities just to go yarn shopping! (May be a reason why the shop is going out of business; I just don't think it was capable of keeping up with the times.)

At first, I found myself surrounded my nylon and acrylic and I worried that all the good stuff had been gone through. I then uncovered some Claudia's Handpainted and went to feed the meter; this was going to take awhile. (I ended up getting a parking ticket anyway, but it was still worth it after the discounts! I lost all track of time in there.) I enjoyed the hat which resulted from my first encounter with Claudia's treasure, so I bought three skeins in some gorgeous colors.



In the tradition of exploring ununsual textiles, I picked up some Karabella Superyak. Yes, yak. Actually, 50% yak and 50% merino wool. Go ahead, yak it up! It will make a nice scarf or lace shawl for my mother-in-law. I like the idea of doing open lacework on us 10.5's; much easier on the eyes and the fingers!



I loved the almost dreamy quality of this stuff: Luce from Filatura di Crossa. I got enough to make a nice, tight scarf for a change. Hopefully, the colors will billow out like clouds.



One can never have enough big yarn. This is Blizzard, which is made in Peru exclusively for Reynolds Yarn. It is 65% Alpaca and 35% Acrylic and is worked up on US 15's. Nothing like a quick knit!



Naturally, I picked up a few notions. One can also never have enough tape measures or tapestry needles. Stephanie would agree with me on this one. (I also tend to knit things that don't need blocking, but with my lace class coming up at Stitches Midwest, I figured I better get some blocking pins, just in case.) They didn't really have any nice books left, so I had to break with one tradition on this trip.



Finally, for the piece-de-resistance, I went a little crazy and bought their remaining Lopi selection. That's right. All of their Lopi. (Lois was stunned at the $400 bill that resulted. And from a guy knitter, to boot!) At $3.50 a ball, how can you go wrong? How can you possibly choose between colors? How can you leave orphans behind? I justified the purchase by telling myself that a deal like this will never come my way again. I had to clear out an entire drawer for this new addition to my stash, devoted now entirely to Lopi. What does 45 skeins of Lopi look like, you may ask? Feast your eyes on this.



Yes, it's a bathtub full of Lopi. Inspired perhaps too much by America's Next Top Model, I posed for a photo shoot. (You knew that I would eventually get around to the title of this post; I still giggle at the thought that someone might actually google these exact words and come up with my blog.) I warn you, some of you may find these images disturbing. Can't you just hear Tyra saying, "Lars, this is your best photo."?

[Photos deleted due to advice from my chapter leader that they may portray a teacher who is lacking in moral character. Scary times we live in when a teacher can be fired for posting a photo with her holding a glass of wine at a wedding. (Yes, it's a true story.)]

Earning my black belt

I have just endured three weeks of the most excruciating knitting of my life. I present to you my Habu placemat:



A little history. When the Wolverinas were in town, we went to Habu, which is arguably the most unique textiles store on the planet. Now, I am all about unique, but the only item that caught my eye was a $60 skein of ramie:



I was thinking that it would make a nice outdoor floor mat. I could work my favorite double moss stitch and come up with something really nice, something that expressed my simple Minimalist aesthetic. So, when I began my week-long vacation up at the cabin at the start of the month, I picked up a pair of US 10.5 circulars and dove right in with excitement and eagerness.

That lasted all of five minutes. I quickly realized that knitting with this skein was like knitting with twine, except that a ball of twine doesn't cost $60. A lead balloon had more loft than this stuff. My dreams of working double moss stitch quickly evaporated as I discovered that it was almost impossible to purl with this crap. Looks like we're doing garter stitch! Here's a closeup:



I began the project by winding the rope into something that resembled a basketball. This soon became my measure of how much of this crap was left. I spent the entire time at the cabin working on my floor mat. I took it with me in the car when we went sightseeing. I spent several hours a day with it and still it didn't look like the basketball was diminishing. I was elated when it finally reached the size of a soccer ball. Later in the week, I debated with Monte whether it qualified as a softball. I cheered when it hit baseball status as we were driving home to Long Island.

I have never knit with anything so unforgiving. It actually cut into my hands. I worried about whether I could wash my blood out of the mat. The points of my fingers were raw as I tried to force the needles into the stitches. I almost destroyed a new pair of addiTurbos, as I had to bend the cord at the joins to work with this stuff. I tried to put myself into a Zen-like state, imagining myself to be an acolyte of a martial arts master. (Think of the characters in Kill Bill going to the old country, only to be beaten unmercifully by a withered old man.) But, there was one thing that I was sure of: I was not going to give up on it. I would see the project to its conclusion!

Realistically, I could only pick it up from time to time, work a couple of rows, and then put it down for the night. Part way through, I thought that it could make a nice woven bag, until I realized that I would have to shape it somehow and, even worse, try and sew parts together. Along the way, I also noticed that it wasn't really thick enough to put on the ground outside, so I started calling it a placemat. Last week, I finally finished it. Here is how it looks as a base for the centerpiece on the dining room table:

Monte had the nerve to say that there were only 11 more to go for a service of 12. I almost stabbed him with my needles. I'm happy that I stuck with the project and can now say that I have really earned a black belt in knitting, based on pain and suffering alone. I have already gone back to my Jaywalker socks, which are now at the heel stage.

Imagine going from US 10.5's with rope to US 1's with sock yarn. My fingers are completely confused at the moment. I have decided that I am going to finish all of my current projects before starting anything new (like you haven't heard that before!). We'll see how it goes...

Driving Miss Daisy

The highlight of my knitting year happened yesterday, when I finally met Jon of Colorado Knits. I found out last week that Jon was coming to town for three days on business. All I knew was that we had to get together for an evening of scandalous gossip, shameless cruising, snarky criticism and, of course, shopping for yarn!

I've been very busy at work this week preparing for an audit tomorrow, and with Monte up at the cabin getting it ready for our seasonal tenants, I had to rush home from work, let the pups out, and then drive all the way back into the city to pick up Jon at his hotel. I arrived at "The Alex" after over an hour in traffic and went up to his suite. (What a nice hotel; I was impressed.) There, we greeted each other warmly and Jon brought out some gifts for me. Now, he had been threatening me for months with a suitcase full of acrylic. What he gave me instead blew me away...

First up is some Araucania Pehuen cotton.



These are the first skeins of cotton to grace my stash this year. I have heard a lot of good things about Araucania and can't wait to whip something up with this. I just need some suggestions from y'all.

Next is some DANCE from Artful Yarns.



It is a 50/50 blend of cotton and acrylic. Think thin purple rope. Jon said there is a pattern for a teardrop bag on the inside of the band that I could make for my niece. I was touched that someone else would be thinking about my family.

Finally, I have some Bearfoot sock yarn for my stash as well.



This stuff is even softer than it looks. I can't wait to make some more socks for me! Of course, all of these gifts couldn't sate my appetite for more, so we were off on a yarn crawl!

Now, I didn't know what Jon's plans were for the time that he was here, so I made up a list of shops to visit over the next four days. You should know by now that I am just a little anal retentive and always very ambitious in my planning. Here was my proposed itinerary:



It is suitably crumpled from our travels. After finding out that we only had one night to buy yarn, we decided to limit ourselves to Soho and the East Village. We made a quick stop at H2O+, a boutique that features skin care products not available in the wilds of Colorado. Jon immediately grabbed a basket for all of his purchases, while I limited myself to two 50% off candles that supposedly eliminates dog odors. I joked that I must not have that particular gay gene, as I've never been one to moisturize, although I did pick up some shampoo at the Aveda shop next door, so all hope is not lost for me.

And then we were off to the knitting shops! We made a commando raid into Suss Designs, which had some homemade yarns and some beautiful needle cases. Unfortunately, most of the colors just seemed washed out and they haven't expanded their line into sock yarn, so we left empty-handed. Not a great start!

We then passed by an old-fashioned Italian wedding, complete with neighborhood band and some of New York's Finest sitting on their scooters, and rushed into Purl just before they closed. Here is a pic to prove that Jon indeed made it into town safely.



The funny thing about this photo is that I found a similar picture on Franklin's blog; he's such a trendsetter! As soon as we made it through the door, I uncovered the best deal in the store: some Rowan yarn at 40% off. Before I could think about what I was saying, I pointed out my find to Jon. Because he is such an encyclopedia of all things knitting, Jon realized that the Kid Classic in the basket was discontinued, so he picked up 10 skeins for yet another rehearsal sweater. (What a great, unselfish friend I am! Actually, I haven't been bitten by the Rowan bug just yet.)

Instead I picked up some more Alchemy Bamboo in Deep Sea.



I had so much fun knitting up the Fish Tale Socks that I decided to make another pair. The first set have such wonderful memories for me of my recent trip home. And the yarn is such a pleasure to work with! Jon agreed with Monte that $50 was a bit much to pay for a pair of socks, but I'm all about the process. Besides, I can drink $50 away during a night at the bar...

We then went for dinner at a lovely Thai restaurant on 3rd Avenue called Holy Basil. I had a spare ribs appetizer with garlic and black pepper and finished with crispy duck with red curry and coconut milk. Simply delicious! The conversation kept me in stitches, as we came up with some name, motto and costume suggestions for the new knitting gang we are planning to unleash at Stitches Midwest. (Our provisional moniker is The Purl Necklace Boys.) Sadly, we waited an unbelievably long time for our bill and we worried that we wouldn't make it to our final stop of the evening.

Thanks to my police plaque, which allowed us to pull up to the front door of each destination and park effortlessly all evening, we made it to Knit NY with time to spare. What a cute, little shop/cafe! I loved the way that they labelled every collection of yarn, which made shopping so much easier. While we were there, we took a photo in which we expanded the current gay hanky code. I hope it makes it onto his blog. (It involves Dolores, of course...)

It wouldn't be a yarn crawl without me picking up a book, so on Jon's advice that it is discontinued, I grabbed the Baby Blankets title in the Vogue Knitting On The Go! series.



I also had to have this wool. I am such a sucker for certain colorways.



It is my first Manos purchase and it will make a lovely, yet masculine hat for someone.

With our shopping out of the way (only 3 of 16 shops visited; what was I thinking?), we then set out for an abbreviated night on the town, seeing as I had to be at work at 6 the next morning. We started off at Ty's, where it was gay cops and firemen night. Of course, there was only myself representing the boys in blue and a firefighter who also plays on my softball team, so the pickings were slim. I was shocked, however, when I returned from the bathroom to find Jon being chatted up by someone. This boy moves fast! I soon realized that the guy was a stalker, so I stepped in to rescue my charge. I myself was propositioned by a local television personality, from whom I quickly excused myself, using my visitor as justification to cut the conversation short.

We left soon after and crossed Christopher Street to visit The Hangar. (In a previous post, I assumed that Sahara was a lesbian because of a comment left by her on Jon's blog which referenced The Hangar. Jon suggested that she just may enjoy the company of gay men. I've never slept with her, and with no plans to do so in the near future, I really can't comment on her sexual orientation. I think it was just wishful thinking on my part that someone who seems so cool and creative was "family".) We tried for about five minutes to grab the attention of the bartender, and with no drinks in sight, we decided to make a quick trek to The Monster. We were served quickly, if a little expensively, and made our way to the dance floor downstairs. I had never been to this part of the bar before, not knowing that it even existed. It reminded me of gay bars in small-town USA. Enjoying the view for a few minutes, we finally went back upstairs to observe the action around the piano. I must also be lacking the gay gene for Broadway musicals, as I recognized the songs, but couldn't remember any of the words. So, of course, I just made up my own lyrics, which were much funnier than the original. ("All That Jazz" became "Fuck That Ass" and went downhill from there.)

After a quick stop at a bakery for Jon to pick up some rugelah (also scarce in Denver), I drove him back to his hotel and called it a night.

For me, the best part of blogging is meeting people like Jon, someone who is very funny and witty and with whom I felt that I have known him all my life. Let's just say I can't wait until Stitches Midwest!

Medical breakthrough!

So, we just came back from a wet and rainy week at the cabin. Didn't matter because any time at the cabin is a good time at the cabin. I worked a lot on one project, which will be featured when it is completed very shortly.

A few weekends ago, at the rugby tournament, my team kidnapped the mascot of the team visiting from Sydney, Australia. The poor animal had had its ear torn off by another team two years ago. Being the intrepid knitter that I am, I decided to try my hand at plastic surgery with my knitting needles and I am proud to say that I successfully performed an ear transplant on Pappas.

  

I had about a minute to examine the patient surreptiously before going home and knitting through the night. My thought process went something like this: Knit in the round, about two fingers width, followed by sock heel, then increase on both sides around every fourth row until ear covers my entire hand. The operation was a success, except that I couldn't quite match the color of the other ear. (Who knew that you really do need a ball of every color ever made in your stash?!)

I also made him an adorable little scarf in my club's colors of navy and gold at the games on Sunday. I started off fairly wide on the scarf, realized I was running out of time, decreased to necktie width and dropped the alternating rugby stripes, and finally cast off some stitches in the middle to create a huge buttonhole at the top to wrap around the dog's neck. It was a pattern on the fly that worked! Unfortunately, there is no picture of the scarf, but it looked really good on Pappas. Isn't it just like a gay team to give a mascot back in better condition than when we got it? Let's just say I impressed a few non-knitters...

The end result is that I realize now that I can just about knit anything if I set my mind to it!

Hate the game; don't hate the playa!

Well, I survived the rugby tournament and the corresponding lack of sleep associated with it. I also made it through the huge pile of end-of-month reports that surfaced on my desk last week. I now have nine days of uninterrupted vacation (God, I love being a civil servant!) that will be spent up at the cabin. Before I leave, however, I must post something that has been sadly overdue.

Before all of the craziness of last weekend, I received a package in the mail from one of my favorite knitbloggers, Jon. On the outside of the package were written the ominous words, "1 of many paybacks". I opened the package with some trepidation and revealed the following two items:



Now, when I was up in Boston, Sean and I had picked out a lovely Schaeffer yarn with a colorway named after Toni Morrison for Jon so that he could get in touch with his inner African-American lesbian. (Coming from big urban centers with inner-city neighborhoods, we know realness when we see it.)

I guess this is what passes for ghetto fabulous in Colorado. The first item is a zippered change purse and I am informed by the tag on it that the pattern is ocelot.



I imagine that this is what all the best-dressed ho's are carrying in order to transport their controlled substance of choice. (Kind of gives a new meaning to the phrase "Mile High Club".) Seeing as I don't have any weed to put into it, I will be keeping my stitch holders in it, instead. (I fear that Jon may be supplementing his income by walking the streets in drag. Intervention, anyone?) God help me if I ever make a sweater based on the pattern!

The second item is an unfamilar Italian blend of 70% Cotton and 30% Viscose with the unfortunate brand name of "PLAYA".



Sadly, I don't think that there will be enough yarn at 115m to make a trashy thong for Jon or myself (We're big-boned gals!), so I will instead translate the skein in Spanish and probably make something lacy for the beach out of it. I'm seeing a skull cap...

If you want to get in touch with a real African-American lesbian, be sure to check out Sahara and her "flavor-infused" designs and positive vibe. Now, this is a sistah that I want to hang wit! I just found out that Jon is coming to the Big Apple the week after I am back from vacation (Lock your doors and hide your sheep!), so maybe we'll have to make a trek to Sahara's shoppe or meet up at The Hangar for a couple of cocktails...

Peace out!